Postal 2

Optycal Illusion

Blysster rate 4
Twisted entertainment for the twisted mind!

Gamespy sends out a newsletter which I always read through hoping to catch a glimpse of my next big game obsession. I hit the jackpot recently when I downloaded the demo for Postal 2, a FPS. Never have I been so gleefully aware of my true evil nature as when I started playing this sinister twist of a day in the life of an average guy.

INSTALLATION: Installation is quick and painless, you will have very little time to read parts of the book before you’re ready to play. This will run like a bitch on a slower/older machine.
Specs: Pentium 3 or AMD Athlon 733 MHz (1.2GHz)
Windows 98/ME/2000/XP
128 MB RAM (384MB)
1.2 Gig available hard drive space
8X CD-ROM drive
32 MB GeForce 2 or Radeon- class video card (64 MB GeForce 3 or Radeon 8500)
Windows compatible sound card
Your machine must be compatible with DirectX 8.1 or higher, and lets face it... if it ISN’T then you really need to upgrade by now!

GETTING STARTED: Take some time to go through the menus and play with the settings. I made sure my blood and gore setting was at the highest. You don’t play a game like this for the social values…. I want to be bathed in BLOOD! A quick run through all the menu options will give you a good idea of what to expect in the game as far as sounds, difficulty level, graphics and controls.

Map of the town, your list of errands for the day and your list of enemies!

Your mission is to run errands for your bitch of a girlfriend (whom I have yet to see.) You get a movie introduction which takes just a bit too long, but includes a nice overview of the town. Your errands are simple everyday tasks like getting milk, cashing your paycheck and picking up a Christmas tree. The only difference is you can kill, maim and brutalize everyone and almost everything in the game world. If you try this in real life you’ll end up on death row or possibly in a mental institution awaiting your lobotomy. As the game makers say “It’s only as violent as YOU are.”

LEARNING CURVE and GAME PLAY: To see the instruction manuals you’d think it was rather difficult to learn and complex to play. The book makes it look tougher than it really is, perhaps to weed out the weenies. All you really need to pay attention to is the use of the “A S D W E R” keys and your mouse. Everything else is just icing on the cake. Running With Scissors likes to make fun of those of us who have gotten used to the old style “Arrow key” movements; they highly suggest you try out the default settings. As an old school arrow keyer myself I was a bit apprehensive about changing my play style, but trust them and trust ME it’s the right way to go. Use of the arrow keys will only slow you down! And who wants to be slow when there are marching bands to slay? Expect to spend a good 5 minutes learning movement and another 10 taking joy in slicing off the heads of wandering citizens.

A simplified list of abilities: walking (duh!), looking in all directions including straight up and down, jumping, squatting, quick-key weapon choices (mouse scroll is helpful here), unzip your pants AND piss! Oh god do I love the pissing command. I suggest taking a wiz on a citizen and then enjoy their puking. Also fun is walking around with your fly down and Mr. Winky waving at everyone, very entertaining.

Game play is pretty simple; you run around and collect goodies from various areas while you go about your daily errands. I picked up 7 cats (to be used as silencers) in my first 30 minutes of play time. You want to pick everything up as you don’t really know what will become useful later on, and I’m not going to spoil too many surprises! I think what I got the biggest kick out of was the “Health Pipe”. Use your imagination.

Here I am about to annihilate everyone in the dance club, thanks to my trusty cat silencer they never saw it coming.

Keep in mind everything you do is carefully watched by the cops, and you must keep an eye on your cop meter on the right of the screen. If there is a red bar on your cop meter you are being trailed. They will chase you from zone to zone too, so don’t think you can annihilate the town and just walk to the next zone and be safe; the cops will be waiting for you on the other end! Given enough time the bar slowly shrinks and you’re back in their good graces. To avoid jail you can either slaughter the cops as they try to take you into custody or you can be sneaky and murder people in the privacy of their own homes. Citizens WILL run and get the cops, so don’t let anyone escape!

This guy was begging for mercy after he saw me slice his friend's head off (look on the ground behind him).... I don't give mercy as you can see by his charred remains.

My only complaint about the movement in this game is the difficulty I have in getting some items that are higher up on shelves. I have never been one to like FPS-type games in which you simply run over objects to pick them up. Those of you out there who are used to this type of game will certainly not have this issue.

GRAPHICS: OUTSTANDING graphics and amazing scenery! I was impressed in the demo but floored when I saw the full version. You can see individual blades of grass, leaves on trees and folds and dips in the dog shit. Running With Scissors had enough foresight to add the random piles of dog droppings in your yard, and I have to respect them for that! If you’re sick and twisted like me, you’ll bend down as far as you can to get a good close look at it... and even try to pick it up. Sadly it is just for looks and cannot be used as a weapon.

I cackled gleefully when I walked into this bathroom in a chinese restaurant. Yes that IS shit all over the sink, toilet bowl and floor!

The houses are fairly distinguishable in each part of town as well as the decorations in each one. There seems to be several repeat skins for the houses and items but it’s acceptable considering the incredibly addictive killing and maiming options available to you. Lets face it, you aren’t here to buy real-estate.

The faces and bodies of the citizens are all pretty much the same with a few little goodies thrown in for laughs. The gimp and the transsexual in the dance club are two of my favorites!

No game is complete without your very own gimp! Photos of his face and his sweet ass. Please notice the transsexual in the background

SOUNDS and MUSIC: With the constant chatter of those around you and the ambient noises in the environment you can really get the feel of BEING the Postal Dude. Walk up to strangers and hit “G” to scream “GET DOWN!” (Several variations of this including cussing!) And watch them either cower in fear or cuss back at you. Of course if they don’t listen to you it’s time to start slicing off heads. The guns sound like they should, the shovel makes several different sounds depending on what you’re hitting and the sound of your boot thudding into a severed head as you kick it across the room is just perfect. A lot of time and effort went into making the game SOUND real so a bit fat thumbs up on that one.

FINAL THOUGHTS: So many things to kill, so little time! It is amazing how much thought was put into each of the actions you can take. Just about anything you could think to do Running With Scissors thought of too! It is strangely comforting to know I am not the only one who has always wanted to break into people’s houses and light them on fire or piss on the ceiling and watch it fall onto your face, you’ll start to spit and sputter if you let enough fall on you! (I could do without the “censorship” patch over the dick though.... I want to see his winky!)

Here I am pissing on the wall, you can see me in the mirror just to the left of the piss stream.... and that god damned cenorship patch!

This is one of those mindless time wasting games that can really be addicting. It isn’t so involved you’ll forget your family and quit your job, but it is entertaining enough to kill off a few hours before bedtime. The smartass attitude of the company is obvious in the comments the postal dude makes as well as the game manual and company website. I just LOVE these guys!

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who has ever wanted to go on a killing spree but isn’t willing to spend the rest of their life in prison will enjoy this game. It is completely up to you how to play the game. You can be innocent (and boring) and just run the errands but it’s so much more fun to kill and maim everything in your path! This is absolutely an adult game though so Parents DON’T get this for your little kids! I won’t even let my kids WATCH me play this! If you enjoy the Grand Theft Auto series you’re going to fall in love with Postal 2! The gore and violence is of a level never before seen and probably won’t be seen again (Unless we ca n expect a Postal 3.)

LEFT: Complete carnage with my shovel. RIGHT: Why doesn't anyone like my festering cow head? They all puke and die when I show it to them!

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